Bad, bad, blogger!!

Wow, what the hell happened? Didn't I say I was going to be accountable? Boy that so did not happen. To say this has been a bad week would be an understatement. It's like the gods that be read my resolutions and declared "Foolish human, you thought you could control your destiny? We'll show you!!"

After a long road trip with my oldest son, I thought I could talk sense into his head about his future by loosening him up with some alchohol. That was not such a great idea. Lots of tears, yelling and throwing things by both of us, all we accomplished was having killer hangovers the next day. He is an adult and I can't make him do anything..he has made that clear. He is leaving for Texas in 3 days and I have nothing but fear concerning his future.

All this stress has hit me physically too. No, I have not stepped on the treadmill, have not been sober and have slept as much as humanly possible. I have stressed out my gallbladder and pancreas. I just need a break. My father started chemo for stage 4 lung cancer last week. I don't expect him to last very long as he eats very little and is extremely weak and in back pain.

I have been reading all these inspirational blogs by people I admire and wonder why I can't see life the way they do. I see everything through a fog-like I'm not even here in my own life, just a spectator. Time to up my meds I think, lol.

Maybe tomorrow will be better......