2 Weeks and counting!!!

Its starting to hit me that in 2 weeks we will be in Europe. There was so much I wanted to do in the last few months before we left. I was supposed to start Italian lessons and though we have every Rosetta Stone program, it won't read on my laptop so it was put aside. I wanted to learn more about Rome and what we are going to see and Barcelona. Those are the two cities I worry about navigating around. I worry about taxis and HOHO buses and getting lost. Maybe we should take the GPS just in case.

Our new Nanny Cassie is a doll and I feel so much more at ease. The only problem is telling the other girl we don't need her anymore. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I just don't feel comfortable. I will have to chicken out and have Donald tell her.

As much as I try to overcome this, I miss my friend Christa. Whenever I think of her I start to cry. It feels like someone I loved died. There is so much I would tell her if she would just talk to me. I have looked back at my behaviour over the last year and have not liked what I have seen. I have always been a "what you see is what you get" kinda gal. That is not a good thing I have realized. I have been very harsh to some people, some deserving and others not. Most of my actions have been fueled by my addiction to alcohol. It has been over 3 weeks since my last drink. The words that still echo in my head are from Christa blaming my behaviour of this past month on being drunk. Whether true are not, it killed me that she thought of me that way.

I am trying to cope and find happiness in other ways but not having such luck. Christa was the one I could tell anything to. She understood the problems I would have with Donald or the memories of my father that torment me still.

I miss hearing about her kids. I loved Kylee and Kinsey like they were members of my own family. I didn't even get to tell Kinsey happy birthday. Maybe I make too big of a deal about all this but it hurts when you can't share the good and bad times with those who are dear to you.