I thought it would be easier

I thought that since it had been a couple of weeks that things around here would fall back into place and that life would go on. Even though things here are OK, what is inside me hasn't returned anywhere near normal. Usually this would be a time that I would drown myself in a bottle or two of wine. Apparently I am nothing but a drunk, so much that any action on my part was attributed to my being drunk. It hurt that people would think that I didn't have any control over myself due to that. It has been 2 weeks since I have had anything. Its been difficult trying to deal with stress of the loss of a friend with no chemical aide. Today seems to be the worse for me. There is just nothing but this empty spot-just painfully numb.

Trying to muster up some joy in preparation for the cruise we have in 3 weeks. I am trying to finalize the nanny situation and even though the girls and I met her yesterday, I am still apprehensive about leaving the country without them.

When will things start to feel different??